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Giving & Receiving Feedback: The Power of Sharing Wishes and Requests.

Updated: Jul 17, 2023

Managers often shy away from giving feedback because they don't know how. Therefore, it is no surprise that giving and receiving feedback is a frequent topic in my coachings and team trainings. A helpful method to express feedback positively is to speak in wishes.

In this blog post, you can find tips on how to give feedback appreciatively and effectively but also how to accept feedback better and to speak with wishes.

Giving and Receiving Feedback: The Reason for Sharing Wishes not Requests from Coco Decrouppe

Giving Appreciating Feedback


Feedback is a valuable communication tool since it leads to an active exchange between people and creates transparency. For example, feedback creates transparency about an employee's performance and shows how others perceive his/her work. It doesn't matter whether you, as a manager, give feedback to your employee or if colleagues exchange feedback with each other, feedback is a reply or return signal. It shows you how you are perceived, similar to a mirror, which is why it is so valuable.


Feedback should not just be given twice a year, but continuously. If you as a manager give feedback regularly, you create a work culture in which feedback is perceived as an important component. Through regular and effective feedback, your employees know how they are perceived and what they can improve in terms of their work.

To give effective feedback, it can be useful to speak in wishes and use positive language. This signals to the employee that feedback is a tool to strengthen a person's skills and knowledge. To give feedback effectively, you can use my Vision Burger.

In the following 3 steps, I will explain how you can use the Vision Burger by using an example of an employee who is often late for meetings. The layers of the burger visualize the 3 steps (see picture).

  1. Show sympathy, use the other person's words & give specific examples: I've noticed lately that you've had difficulty attending meetings on time. An example would be the meeting with client XY. How did you experience this? - Oh, now I understand. So you are currently having troubles with childcare and it is not easy for you to manage your time.

  2. Speak in wishes & use positive language: I wish that you could be able to be on time for the upcoming meetings because it makes it easier for you to understand the situation without missing something. Do not: You are always late and that needs to change/I don't want you to be late anymore.

  3. Ask future-oriented questions: What do you need from me? How can we find a solution together so that it is easier for you to manage your time again?

As you can see, the Vision Burger is an effective method to give appreciating and effective feedback. Furthermore, the layers of the burger facilitate remembering the different steps.

Risk of lack of feedback

There is always the risk that feedback will be taken negatively. For example, there are situations where feedback is taken personally. Nevertheless, we never have control over what the other side thinks or does, but we can do our best to give feedback appreciatively and clearly. The majority of employees want specific feedback in order to learn and grow. In addition, regular feedback helps employees become accustomed to feedback, which can decrease the number of employees that take feedback personally.

Receiving Feedback

It is not always easy to understand or accept feedback. That's why I'd like to give you 5 tips on how to deal with feedback successfully:

  1. Communicate HOW you want to receive feedback: Every person is different. Therefore, it is important that you tell your manager and your team how you would like to receive feedback. Whether it is verbally, in writing or very directly, just let them know in which way you understand and appreciate it the most.

  2. Find your inner peace: There are moments when we are not receptive, for example, due to stress. It can help to visualize your inner place of peace before or during a feedback session. More about your inner place of peace is here.

  3. Don't take feedback too personally: It helps to remember that often feedback has nothing to do with your personality. If you do feel uncomfortable, be open about it. It can also help to actively reflect on feedback afterward! Simply discuss the feedback with your friends and ask how they perceive your feedback.

  4. Reflect & filter: Think about why you are receiving this feedback. It can help to put yourself in the other person's shoes and actively reflect on the feedback. But sometimes it also helps to simply filter the feedback and ask yourself "What is true for me? What is important to me?".

  5. If you are unsure, ask questions: If you can't understand or accept certain feedback the next day, talk to the person and get more information.

Actively Asking for Feedback

Everyone can actively ask for feedback. In this case, you also do not always just need to ask your manager for feedback. You can also reach out to colleagues. If you want specific feedback, then ask for it specifically. You can also speak in wishes when asking for feedback.

Here are two examples:

  • To colleagues/team members: "We have been working on this project together for some time. During this time, how did you perceive my communication skills? Is there anything specifically that you would wish I would do more or less regarding my work?"

  • To your manager/leader: "I would like to ask you how you currently experience my way of working. Is there something specifically you would like to see more often or less often from me in terms of how I work?"

That's it for this blog post.

If you want to practice how to speak in wishes, feel free to contact me! I offer both individual coaching and team training an initial meeting for free in which we can discuss the topics you are interested in.

Interested in coaching? Just book an appointment at the top of the website or write an email to:

Interested in team training? Follow this link to get more information and to book a meeting.


I hope you enjoyed this blog post! You can browse through more blog posts below. Have fun! :)


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